What Makes a Person Attractive?

Understandably enough, our societies pay vast
attention to the idea of ‘sexiness’; far more questionably, they tempt us to believe
that it might be easy to understand what this quality consists of. The leading suggestion
takes its starting point from the biological sciences: we learn that sex aims at successful
reproduction and genetic fitness in the coming generation. Therefore ‘sexiness’ must
logically comprise a host of semi-conscious signals of fertility and of resistance to
disease: bilateral facial symmetry, large bright pupils, full lips, youthful skin and
melanin-rich hair. But this analysis too quickly assumes that
it might be simple to know what sex really aims at. Unlike most other living beings,
our biological drives sit alongside, and at points take second place to, a range of emotional
priorities. Chief among these is the desire to overcome loneliness and share our vulnerability
within the arms of a safe and intimate other. We seek, through a physical act, to overcome
our customary psychological alienation and a host of painful barriers to being known
and accepted. Viewed through such a lens, the erotic is not so much a promise of reproductive
health as a suggestion of a redemptive capacity for closeness, connection, understanding and
an end to shame and isolation. It is this emotional mission that explains
the conundrum sometimes generated by people whom one would expect, by all standard biological
criteria, to possess an exemplary sexual aura but who manage to leave us cold – just as
it may shed light on the associated puzzle of those physically more challenged candidates
who nevertheless lay claim to a rare power far outstripping the quality of their hair
or the lustre of their eyes. The people whom we call sexy despite, or aside
from, the raw facts of their appearance are those whose features and manner suggest an
unusual ability to fulfill the underlying emotional purpose of love-making. The way
they respond to a joke, the curve of an eyebrow, the characteristic motion of their forehead,
the way of holding their hands convey in an unconsciously understood but hugely eloquent
language, that one is in the presence of a kindly being who is liable to understand our
broken and confused aspects, to help us over our loneliness and submerged sadness and reassure
us of our basic legitimacy and worth; someone with whom we can at last reduce our normal
suspicions, cast aside our armour and feel safe, playful and accepted. Whatever the quality
of their skin or balance of their proportions, it is these aspects that have a true power
to excite us; in a melancholy and avoidant world, this is the real turn on. We hear so much about what we might need to
do to increase our physical appeal. But by getting more detailed about the psychological
traits that drive desire, we could learn to pay as much, if not more, attention to the
foundations of an exciting mindset. Armed with a broader understanding of the aims of
sexuality, some of the following might also – henceforth – deserve to be counted as valuable
sources of sexiness: – A sense of being slightly at odds with mainstream
society: Whether at work, with friends or around family,
we are too often hemmed in by exhausting requirements to fit in and subscribe to dominant notions
of what it means to be good and acceptable, requirements which nevertheless leave behind,
or censor, a lot of our internal reality; there ends up being a lot we mustn’t say
and even more we shouldn’t even really feel. What a relief then to note (perhaps via a
wry twitch in another’s upper lip) that we are in the presence of someone who knows
how to adopt a gently sceptical perspective on prevailing assumptions – someone with whom
we would be able to break away and express doubts about revered ideas or people and cast
a cathartically sceptical gaze on the normal rules of life. Good sex promises to feel like
something of a conspiracy against everyone else. – An unshockable nature:
The more we are honest with, and exploratory about ourselves, the more we realise that
there is much inside our characters that might surprise or horrify outsiders: that we possess
alarming degrees of vulnerability, meanness, strangeness, waywardness and folly. Our standard
response may be shame and embarrassment – and yet we quietly hunger to be properly witnessed
and accepted as we really are. What may prove supremely sexy therefore are suggestions that
another person has explored their own deeper selves with courage, has a handle on their
darkness – and may on this basis be capable of extending an uncensorious perspective on
our own. – A tension between good and ‘bad’:
Someone who paid no attention whatsoever to decency and scoffed at all propriety might
be merely alarming. Yet what can prove uniquely appealing is a person alive both to duty and
temptation, to the pull of maturity and the draw – at least for a little while in the
early hours – of wickedness; a divided person simultaneously responsible and marked by a
touch of desperation. – Vigour & Impatience
In addition might come a potential for aggression and anger that they managed to keep very sanely
under control in daily life, but that they knew how to release at points in private;
someone whose capacity for a little cruelty was all the more moving because it stood out
against a customary habit of extreme consideration and gentleness. – Kindness:
A lot of our reality deserves compassion and sympathy. How compelling, therefore, to come
across someone whose features would belie a willingness to extend charity towards a
lot that is less than perfect in human nature, someone who could know how much we stand in
need of forgiveness and who could laugh generously with and at us – because they knew how to
do the same in relation to themselves. We have allowed our concern for sexiness to
be coarsened by physical obsession because we are under the sway of an overly simplistic
biological sense of what sex might be aiming at. Yet by recovering contact with some of
what we emotionally crave from another person, we can – happily but not merely conveniently
– rediscover that the real turn on is never just a well-polished body but, always and
primordially, a well-fashioned soul. Great dates are made up of great conversations, our dating cards are designed to spark insightful and playful encounters. Click the link on screen now to find out more.


  1. What do you think makes someone "attractive"? Let us know in the comments below and make sure you do not miss any of our future films by subscribing to our channel and turning on notifications.

  2. Stop acting like you know everything. The way you structure these videos makes everything you say seem like factual statements and dumb ass kids like me eat up those statements at face value.

  3. I disagree, I think they are confusing sex and love, for me they go along together but for most people you don´t need to love someone to have sex with therefore physical appearance and the biological factors prevail over the psychological ones.
    Now if you are going to love someone yes, who they are is the most attractive part of it and the real turn-on is definitely their being.

  4. You make the mysteries of life seem so simple that I can almost understand good enough to want triumph over those. Thank you for produce an instruction manual to modern western life!

  5. Watch Marlon Brando interviews. Not only is he physically attractive but his charm and mystique make him ultimately attractive (in a non-sexual way) towards both men and women

  6. Physical attractiveness is one of many requirements which we can't do without. It is also the most obvious and initial aspect to be judged. An attractive man will still be observed further for his character, but an unattractive man will simply be avoided from the get go.

  7. Lol. Anatomy is destiny. There is nothing else. A girl will always fall for the most physically attractive male 99.9999% of the time despite inteligence, manners or morals. Anybody who says otherwise is a hypocrite. Women’s shallowness has been sugarcoated long enough.

  8. Those are the attributes of a best friend. What most people mean for "sexy" is lust.

    Which is why the author chose that as the title of the video. Which makes this clickbait.

  9. Women have never wanted anything to do with me, 20+ years of dating and all I've ever heard is no. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If a "Kind soul" is all it takes then I'd be in a relationship by now.

  10. You’d get more views if the narration was easier to understand. Right now it reads like a textbook, and doesn’t match the simplicity of the cartoons.

  11. a challenging contents for non English speakers…but I think I got the idea.
    it only makes me less painful for losing those whom I once had a crush on, because deep inside I knew they wouldn't be satisfied with my way of being, and they wouldn't satisfy me spiritually either.
    odd that I wanted them for sex and it tricked my brain to think I need them because their souls are wonderful.

  12. Confidence: Recarnation of Supermodel (Powerful and Confident)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLF7icWw2nY&list=PL0elpDTFRnupM_TTkSRIreIsUwv0h4S2h&index=2

  13. Más allá de la parte biológica (que es importante, porque solos seres sensoriales) y la parte emocional, también están las circunstancias. En mi caso, no conozco gente que me quiera conocer. He intentado de todo. Asumo que hay algunas cosas que están negadas.

  14. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective as there wouldn't be much point in reproduction if parents weren't commited to ensuring the safety and wellbeing of their children. Our survival as a species depends on our ability to be caring and kind towards eachother, so naturally these qualities would be very attractive in any potential partners. The selfish gene is also the altruistic gene.

  15. Depressing comments section – yes physical appearance is a large factor of initial dating success, but overall that isn't what provides happiness and meaning in a person's life

  16. Use your money, use your power, use your influence to get a dozen other influential people say that you are sexy. The rest will agree !

  17. I wouldnt consider these things atractive. These are characteristics that make people fall in love with you romantically. Kindness and vulnerability isnt a turn on a hot body is.

  18. Obsessed w/Sexy? 2/3 of our pop is morbidly obese. A well fashioned soul? Haven’t you heard we are glorified amoebas? Soulless slime.
    We have a lot of brainwashing to overcome.

  19. Goes against the grain- "I actually don't agree with some aspects of identity politics"
    "Eff of you racist!"
    Thanks for the advice xD

  20. 5:56… Capacity for cruelty… I'm not so sure about that… People may as well take that as a 'red flag.' the truth of the matter is, you can NEVER show your entire self

  21. interesting, i was expecting to see 'courage' in comments, but did not find it. i think courage is very attractive in both (all) sexes. courage to not yield in some situations, courage to be yourself, courage to deal with unexplored, unknown, become a master in something you have no idea how to come close.

  22. My question. Is why are so many gay men attractive yet they don’t reproduce? If gayness is due to genetics, then their looks would play no role in finding a mate and therefore unnecessary.

  23. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but I don't think a woman with fake hair extensions, fake eyelashes, fake nose and lips, fake boobs/breast implants, fake rear end/booty, fake nails , fake anything is sexy or a real beauty. Even if she's considered physically beautiful, once she takes it all off, she's just her natural self…just sayin'! Real women aren't fake! Fake "beauty is only skin deep"! Thanks for another thought provoking video from the School of Life, aka in my book as Life University! 'knowledge is power"!

  24. I feel like I would love to be less attracted by apprearence and more by characteristics. But its not a conscious decision.

  25. Thanks School of Life …. but I'm sure when women look at brad pitt its not because of the way he 'responds to their joke' or men love jessica alba's 'characteristic gesture of her forehead'. Sex is always first visual appearance. Everything else is 'icing on the cake'.

  26. LMAO So much cope in the comments:

     "Personality is all that matters bro, just be confident bro, just be yourself bro"

     MLS is the only thing that matters to women. Chad always wins.

  27. We have to work to outshine the weaknesses we have no control over, like looks and heritage. But those who lean too much on their positive inherited traits will eventually be sucked dry by the game of life. A game which fundamental rule is that everything decays. And there is beauty in it. Those who have these traits and exclusively lean on them will wilk like a flower. And in the end, will be outshined by those who were forced to transmute their shortcomings. Sometimes life is like poetry.

  28. I do not say it was bad or wrong, but… This was the most complicated explanation I have ever heard. I hardly understood anything about it.

  29. Met a woman who found men attractive for what they had to offer during the time being. Once she bonded and grew bored, she dumped them. She had never been the dumpee. Ego plays a big part in how some individuals seek partners. Even females can seem preditorial and selfish.

  30. Thanks for the video content! Excuse me for butting in, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you considered – Honenry Hiycarlett Principle (search on google)? It is a great exclusive product for stopping eczema minus the normal expense. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my work colleague at very last got amazing success with it.

  31. Its just of thouse thing that cant be explained. Its not just looks even thou looks are important. Its some other form of Force.

  32. money, looks and personality.
    if someone has money, they dont Need looks or personality to attract others.
    if they have looks but no personality or money they attract people, until people can see past what is in front of them.
    if they have personality it can trump not looking or having that much money.

    most people will throw out the idea of good looks or good personality if someone has enough money. take the kardashians. horrible personalities, plastic looks but they got money so people Think they are attractive.

  33. Lol wait but then how do assholes and douche bags get so many girls id partners are just turned on by people who are nice and care emotionally? those people dont get the girls only the few. no but really this video is pretty accurate deep down

  34. People brave enough to wander themselves, hence able to look without judgment to the dark corners of others…or as you awesomely put it "simultaneously responsible and marked by a touch of desperation". About this last part….where could I learn more about it?I always had this belief that people touched by this uneasiness towards life are the ones I want around me. Any reading reccomendation would be really appreciated.

  35. At first, in middle school i thought for the entire time that i was just a ghost, being sad about my physical and unstable emotions at the time, skip a few years later, i changed from an introvertive person to a extrovertive, and one of the people from my middle school (was a guy) said:"Man sometimes i wonder how you can change from a lonely guy trying desperately to impress people, than to being one of the best people i know at being friends with in a while" what i got from that is, Focus on your emotional/personality and dont change your weird quirks that you may have, bc thats what makes you unique/ lovable, now people literally give me nicknames, talk about me and who knows if i catch someone sayin how im attractive (to be fair im below average looks)

  36. If there is ONE thing I have learned about humanity….it's that "attraction" is contagious. People are only ever attracted to people who are seen as attractive to someone else. That's how people determine value. "Well does anyone else like them? No? Then I'm not attracted to them either. Yes? Then I am attracted to them very much." This phenomenon is exactly why women find men more attractive after finding out they are married. And there are a lot of studies to back this up. Kinda crazy. And also sad. Because humans are literally insane.

  37. For example, Lady Gaga isn't very physically attractive alone. But her personality? She's really hot…lol At least in American Horror Story

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